Fairytales....

I got married young. Of course, at the time, I didn't think of it like that. I was 20 years old and was convinced I knew everything. I met my husband when I was 14 years old. And while I had other boyfriends, he was my first real love. We went through a few years of dating, not dating, dating other people, etc, but my feelings for him always outweighed those for any other boy. By the time I moved away to college, I knew he was the one. He proposed to me on my 20th birthday, and I just thought my life was going to be perfect.

I clearly remember my dad telling me that I didn't know what I wanted in life yet. That I would change a lot in my twenties, and that there is no rush to get married- even if I felt like there was. Of course I didn't listen (who actually listens to stuff like that anyway?!)

We have gone through a lot since the day we said "I do." Sometimes I look at him and see the man I married years ago, and sometimes I don't. I see now more than ever what a huge affect our two (very different) upbringings have had on our relationship. I have seen my husband grow and change from an immature 18 year old boy to a mature father who is settled in his career and would do anything for his family. Why doesn't that always seem like enough?

Sometimes we get so caught up in our every day lives, that we forget to take the time to think about what made us fall in love in the first place. Was it the face that he always put(s) me first? Was it the fact that he brought (brings) me home little surprises just because? Was it the fact that we could (can) sit around and talk for hours? Was it the fact that he got (gets) me, even when I don't? It's so easy to ignore these things and focus on the faults.

Well thank God he doesn't choose to focus on mine, because I have a limitless list.

It's been hard. I expected a fairy tail. I thought that once I got married, I would have that deep, passionate love that you see in movies (hello Twilight!) For a long time, I let that haunt me. I would question our relationship, thinking that it's not like the movies, so I must not be with my soul mate.

One day, I woke up and realized I do have the life I want. I have a husband who loves me and listens to me and hears what is important to me. I have a beautiful daughter who brings more to my life that I ever could have imagined. I have great potential to be successful in whatever my endeavors are. Some mornings, I have to wake up and want to be in love. I have choose to focus on the good. I have to decide to smile and appreciate the life I have been given even when I don't feel like it. But that's just what makes this life. I love nothing more than being at home with my little family eating dinner, or playing games, or watching movies, or going on a walk. And I can't imagine my life without my husband in it.